The words "I'm sorry" are not easy to say - more so when you are not the person who is in the wrong. You see, something has to change - the very fact that someone is apologising means that there is something that needs to be put right. The fault may not be yours but it does mean that the apology needs to carry some "weight" i.e. action with it. Making a relationship work always carries responsibility and is an ongoing commitment.
Maintaining a relationship and keeping things moving smoothly requires a commitment by both parties - one sided involvement does not work. Always keep your lines of communication open - "talking prevents walking" - walking away from the relationship that is.
Too many couples are ending up as casualties - broken relationships/marriages are destroying the very fibre of our society. Divorce is so common these days it is the norm rather than the exception. So how do you stay together - how do you save a relationship with cracks in it - how do apply the "band aid" to fix it?
Here are some tips to help you make a positive contribution to your relationship:
* The words that come out of your mouth can never be taken back - so think carefully before you speak. * You cannot change the past, so don't drag it up at all. * If you lose your temper, you lose the chance to put your point across meaningfully. * Don't get personal in your discussion. * Be prepared to listen to what the other person has to say. * Don't interrupt - hear them out before you comment. * Be above pettiness. * Remember, it takes two to fight. * Don't shout - keep your voice low. * Be prepared to say "I'm sorry" even if you are not at fault - this is a big step to take and will sometimes take a lot of practice but the benefits are enormous.
If you are able to follow these guidelines (and encourage your partner to do so as well) - difficult as it to keep your cool - your discussions will be much more meaningful and are unlikely to blow up into a major confrontation.
Remember, if you blame others you will never do what it takes to solve the problem - you both need to take responsibility and look at fixing what is going wrong. For instance - have you checked your attitude lately? Are you grateful for all you have in your life or are you moaning and whining and not seeing any positives? Attitude is so important - remember - what you focus on is what you get and the more you dwell on your problems the more problems will come your way. Try thinking out the box and approach your relationship with a different thought process - try to become solution orientated.
I suggest you make a list each day of each and everything you are grateful for in your life. It's so easy to overlook and take for granted the everyday blessings that are present in our lives. Maybe the first thing to be grateful for is life - the fact that you are alive! Have an attitude of gratitude and you will find each day starts with a more positive mindset and perhaps that will open your mind to more areas in your life that you can be positive about. If you can count your blessings and not your problems it straight away puts you into a more positive frame of mind and changes the way you look at things.
Wondering why your partner does not think the way you do can be a time consuming and futile pastime. Here's a thought - why don't you become the change you wish to see in them? The old adage "you cannot change a tiger's stripes" is very true - so if you are constantly trying to make them change and be like you, it is not going to work. You need to work on becoming the kind of person you would like them to be - this is going to require taking a hard, long look at yourself and identifying your own faults and flaws. Only by taking control of the situation and making the necessary changes in yourself can you really come to grips with the dissension you are currently experiencing. I can almost hear you saying "but I am not the one at fault" - perhaps you aren't but maybe you are partly to blame as well and you need to consider this factor as part of the equation.
It can be difficult solving relationship issues but if you both have a genuine desire to make your relationship work, to sort out the points of disagreement and not turn each discussion into an explosive situation, progress will be made and solutions found.
Picking the right time to discuss your differences can be difficult - but don't pounce on your other half the minute they walk in the door after a long day's work. You might have been keeping your thoughts on the boil the whole day but you will not solve any problems if you greet them with a face like thunder and immediately begin an outpouring of all the problems and irritations you faced. Your partner might also have had a difficult day, facing different kinds of issues to your own and the chances are they are not likely to be sympathetic to you if you toss all your woes at them as they walk through the door.
Perhaps it would be a better solution to make sure the children are in bed before tackling the issues between you ( if you have children, that is) as it not a good idea to have a stand off in front of the children either.
It also won't go amiss to lighten up a little - try to see the humour in the situation - but not at your partner's expense - there is a big difference in laughing with someone and laughing at someone. Laughing at yourself when things go amiss helps restore perspective and also allows you to look at the situation differently - we all make mistakes and occasionally "put our foot in it" but injecting a little humour can go a long way to easing the tension.
One last point - never touch another person in anger.
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